When families start treatment for teen mental health conditions, one common issue parents talk about is the impact their child’s challenges have on their marriage. Many times, parents are at their wit’s end by the time they seek care. That means therapists often hear emotional statements like, “My teenager is ruining my marriage!” or “My son is destroying our family!”
Of course, parents understand that it’s more complicated than that. Parents realize they are responsible for maintaining harmony in their relationship no matter what their child is going through. That’s true whether they are spouses, unmarried partners, or co-parents who are no longer romantically involved. However, it’s understandable and not unusual for parents’ relationships to suffer due to the stress of a child’s mental health problems.
Key Takeaways
- Teen mental health issues can impact parents’ relationship due to the stress of navigating the challenge.
- Marital struggles could be detrimental to the teen’s well-being and to their ability to access treatment.
- Parents need to actively maintain harmony in their relationship while navigating a mental health diagnosis, for their own and their child’s sake.
- Family involvement in treatment is beneficial for the teen, the parents, and the family as a whole.
Why a Teen’s Mental Health Issues Can Be Hard on Their Parents’ Marriage
Marriage is all about compromise, clear communication, and working together to make the family unit as cohesive as possible. It can be harder to navigate a marriage when the couple has children, and even harder when one (or more) of those children is neurodivergent or has a mental health condition.
Teen mental health issues can be hard on marriage for many reasons. A few include:
- Disagreement about how to handle a teen’s mental health issues
- Feeling drained
- Hopelessness
- Lack of time for relaxation and self-care
- Uneven division of labor
- Having different coping styles in response to a child’s challenges
- One parent taking over the responsibilities of care
- Parents having their own past trauma
When parents aren’t on the same page, for whatever reason, it can be hard for the entire family to navigate a child’s mental health concerns. Figuring out how to talk to the teen about their mental health is imperative for the parental unit to do together.
In fact, when a teen has a mental health condition, it’s even more important for the parents to show a united front. Teens who are struggling need to know that their parents can support them, and won’t be distracted by their own problems.
Hence, parents need to work together when raising a teen with mental health conditions—whether or not they’re romantically involved or living together.
Signs That Your Marriage Is Being Impacted by Your Teen’s Mental Health Challenges
It’s common for a teen’s mental health condition to affect their parents’ marriage. Children with mental health issues require more time, energy, and support from family members than teens who don’t have mental health struggles. If parents start fighting more, stop communicating, and begin to feel distant from each other, it’s possible that the marriage has been impacted by the mental health challenges the teen is facing.
A few ways that parents can tell that their marriage is being impacted by a teen’s mental health struggles include:
- Squabbling more often
- Not feeling supported
- Turning to others for comfort rather than a partner
- Feeling isolated
- Being constantly angry or irritated with your partner
When teens go into treatment for mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, trauma, and more, it’s common for the relationship between two married parents to deteriorate. A recent study of families with teens in treatment for depression showed a correlation between a teen’s depressive symptoms and marital conflict The study found that while depressed teens were in treatment, parents’ remained stable. But once the teen treatment was over, parents’ marital relationships got slightly worse.
“Families might be putting their own issues on the back burner while their teen gets help. Once the treatment ends, they’re forced to face issues in their marriage or family that might have been simmering while their depressed teen was being treated.”
Researcher Kelsey Howard, Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine
Why Parents Need to Work Together to Support Their Teen
Teens who are dealing with mental health conditions might be hyper-sensitive and hyper-aware of how they’re impacting the people in their lives. They may be worried about how their disorder or condition affects their family. By being on the same page and showing the teen that the family unit supports them, parents can help their children to feel unconditionally loved.
To effectively help a teen with a mental illness, parents should stay strong as a unit. A parental united front also eases the emotional and practical burdens on the parents as individuals.
One of the worst things parents can do when raising a teen with a mental health condition is to demonstrate to the teen that they are a burden on the marriage. If a teen’s mental health challenges cause a rupture between parents, the adults should take great care to make sure they are still there for their teen, no matter how they feel about the other parent.
Tips for Keeping Your Partnership Strong When a Teen Is Struggling
Whether the parental unit is currently married, separated, unmarried but romantically involved, or coparenting after a divorce, parents need to keep their partnership strong when raising a teen with mental health issues. Here are some suggestions and tips for maintaining a strong, united front when a teen is struggling.
Set Aside Time Together
Parents need to spend quality time together so that they don’t lose sight of the relationship and why they’re together in the first place. That might mean scheduling regular date nights, setting aside 30 minutes a day to spend together, or making a point to check in with each other at the end of the day.
If the parents aren’t romantically involved, date nights probably don’t apply. But it is possible for parents who aren’t romantically involved to spend time together and check in with one another on a regular, even daily, basis. This will make the partnership stronger and help the teen who is struggling with their mental health feel supported and seen by their parents.
Self-Care, Individually and Together
There are many ways to practice self-care, and they don’t all include bubble baths, long walks on the beach, and journaling. Each parent needs to find things that help them manage stress, whether that’s exercising, talking to friends, getting enough sleep, or talking to a therapist. When each parent practices their own self-care, they can show up better for their family and their partner because they’re taking care of themselves.
Parents can also practice self-care together. This could mean going to support groups for parents of children with mental health conditions, going to couples or family counseling, and spending quality time together. Self-care for the parental relationship is just as vital as individual self-care.
Practice Active Listening
One way that parents can show their teens their support and openness to talk about difficult things is to use active listening. When their teen talks about their mental health or what’s going on in their life, parents can use tactics such as reflecting back what their teen has said and asking thoughtful clarifying questions. But parents can also practice active listening with each other. That includes not interrupting the other person, avoiding judgment as much as possible, and making direct eye contact during the conversation.
Attend Parent Support Groups
Support groups for parents of teens dealing with mental health challenges are a great way for parents to feel less alone in their difficulties. And they’re also an opportunity for parents to get on the same page and take in information about their child’s struggles together. They can also find resources, like local therapists and other mental health services.
Going to a support group could be a way for parents to bond over a shared experience. They can hear others’ stories—and they might even hear something new from their own partner. Support groups offer a safe place for parents to share their challenges related to their children’s mental health issues. They can also talk about how those challenges are affecting their relationship with each other. It’s a good bet that the other parents will understand exactly what they’re going through.
Get Support from a Counselor
Regardless of whether the couple is together, separated, or divorced, seeing a marriage counselor or other therapist could be a necessary step in navigating a teen’s mental health challenges. Skillful co-parenting is challenging under the best of circumstances. But getting the child the support they need is easier when the parents are on the same page and able to communicate with one another.
Make the Relationship a Priority
If you make space for the relationship, you might be able to protect it from the challenges of a teen mental illness. Prioritizing that relationship goes a long way toward creating a supportive family unit. Both parents need to spend time and effort on their relationship, so that their teen doesn’t have to worry about parental bickering or animosity while they’re navigating mental health challenges.
What About When Parents Are Divorced?
Difficult divorces and separations can exacerbate the challenges associated with a child’s mental illness. Co-parents who are divorced might have a difficult time managing a teen’s mental health issues. In these situations, parents need to be on the same page even though they’re not romantically involved.
Here are a few tips for co-parenting when you’re not a couple:
- Have regular check-ins
- Make written agreements
- Work on the relationship in both individual and couples or family therapy
- Get on the same page about the child’s diagnosis
- Share information with one another
- Avoid complaining about or blaming the other parent to the teen
Family Therapy for Teen Mental Health at Newport Academy
When a teen is going through mental health issues, the entire family is involved. That’s why Newport Academy’s approach prioritizes family involvement. We believe that the family is the key to healing. Therefore, Newport Academy works with parents and family units of all demographics, including parents who are together, separated, or coparenting while divorced.
We treat teen depression, anxiety, substance abuse, mood disorders such as bipolar disorder, trauma and PTSD, and other mental health conditions. Treatment is tailored to each individual and family, according to their needs and goals. Our modalities include Attachment-Based Family Therapy, group therapy, experiential therapy, CBT, and more. We also offer parent support groups during treatment and after treatment, as part of our Alumni Program.
Contact us today to find out more about our family-focused, solutions-based approach to teen mental healthcare.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does mental illness do to a family?
How can parents support their teens who are struggling with mental health issues?
Why is it important for parents to demonstrate a united front when raising a teen with a mental health condition?
Sources
J Abnormal Child Psychol. 2019 Jun: 47: 1841–1850.
Front. Psychol. 2019 Apr; 10: 10.3389.