How to Help Your Teen Manage Toxic Friendships

Adolescence is a time when peer connection is more important than almost anything else. Friendships are incredibly meaningful and exciting for teenagers. But learning to navigate relationships outside the family can also be scary, confusing, and emotional. And when teens get involved in toxic friendships, it can be bad for their mental health and challenging for the whole family.

Teen toxic friendships happen when one or both of the people involved treat the other one poorly. They might gossip about them behind their back, say hurtful things to them in front of other friends, or manipulate them in some way.

Parents are often tempted to step in and take control of toxic friendships for their child. But trying to banish your teen’s friends who are a bad influence may backfire. Instead, have conversations with your teen about their toxic friends and help support them to make healthy choices. Keep reading to learn signs of a teen toxic friendship, the influence of teen friendships, and what to do when you don’t like your child’s friends.

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Key Takeaways

• Friendships during middle school and high school are essential for teens’ health and development.
• Toxic friendships involve cruelty, rejection, and shame, and can have a negative impact on teens’ well-being and mental health.
• Parents can support their teens by listening to them, getting to know their friends, teaching them about mutually supportive friendships, and letting them decide for themselves who they want to keep as friends.
• Mental health treatment can help adolescents build self-esteem, confidence, and skills for building healthy connections.

What Is a Toxic Teen Friendship?

In healthy friendships, your teen will feel seen and supported. Good friendships feel reciprocal, safe, and nonjudgmental. But teens are intensely focused on finding social connections and feeling a sense of belonging. So they sometimes stay in toxic friendships because they’re afraid they’ll be rejected and isolated without them.

In toxic friend groups, teens may be the perpetrators or victims of “mean girl” behavior. This can look like purposeful exclusion of one another, backstabbing, spreading harmful rumors, and shaming one another. It might lead parents to say “I don’t like my teenage daughter’s friends.” But teenage girls aren’t the only type of toxic friend. Kids of any gender or sexual orientation can be bad friends.

However, parents need to remember that your child’s toxic friend may be dealing with hardships they know nothing about. Children who have experienced trauma or other mental health issues often cope with their pain by developing behavioral problems. This doesn’t mean that their behavior is acceptable, but rather that they may need help and support. That isn’t a reason for a teen to stay in a toxic friendship or keep hanging out with the wrong crowd. But understanding why teens are mean to each other can help parents—and teens themselves—be more compassionate.

Most important, supportive teen friendships make teens more emotionally and physically healthy. Caring adolescent friendships help dispel anxiety and depression, improve cognitive function, and even boost immunity. While parents are always important in a young person’s development, teens need good friendships to thrive. They often turn toward one another to deal with stress and difficult emotions. And they support each other through difficult times and adverse experiences in and outside of school.

Young humans are wired to seek out friends. If a child’s friends turn toxic, it can have a significant impact on their well-being and self-esteem. The need to belong and be accepted drives teen behavior. This is one of the reasons kids get into toxic friendships. If your teen has friends who are toxic, they may be afraid of the consequences of ending these friendships. Kids in both middle school and high school are highly motivated by the desire to belong, to be part of a group, and to gain the approval of popular peers.

The Influence of Teen Friendships

Teens have a strong influence over one another. Kids in middle school and high school tend to mirror the behaviors of their friends. This means the behavior of your teen’s friends directly and indirectly influences the way teens behave and the choices they make.

Teen friendships have lots of positive impacts. Teens can lift each other up, showing support and camaraderie for one another. One friend’s kindness may help another friend learn to have more compassion and empathy for others. A friend who goes out of their way to help others might influence their friends to help out more, too.

But the reverse is also true: Toxic friends can make poor choices and influence other kids to make poor decisions as well. This is why it can be so scary for parents to see their kid hanging out with the wrong crowd or the “bad kids.” And negative peer pressure is real. A study that reviewed the impacts of peer influence showed that kids were more likely to use substances if their friends used them.

How Do I Get My Child Out of a Toxic Friendship?

One question parents often ask is, “How do I protect my child from bad influences?” If your child has a toxic friend, it may be tempting to step in and try to control their friendships. But forbidding them to see or interact with their friends will likely make them angry and upset with you. Additionally, forbidding a friendship doesn’t teach them how to navigate difficult situations and make decisions on their own. Even though it can be hard to watch, it’s important to let your kid make their own choices about who they keep as friends rather than trying to set limits on their friendships.

To support your child in this process, give them information about what a friendship should look like. Talk about what it means to be in mutually supportive friendships and to do positive activities together. By helping them understand the difference between supportive friendships and toxic friendships, you can empower them to make the best decision for themselves. Let them know that a good friend supports and encourages them, accepts them for who they are, and is trustworthy and kind.

What to Do When You Don’t Like Your Child’s Friends

Parents have every right not to like their child’s friends. But unless a teen is truly in harm’s way, let them make their own choices about their friendships. Stay involved by inviting your kid’s friends over, getting to know them, asking your child questions about them, and seeking to understand them. Your involvement and genuine support can go a long way in cultivating an honest and communicative relationship between you and your child. Encourage them to act responsibly even if their friends don’t, and set clear expectations about their behavior when with friends.

Toxic friends are likely struggling with their own mental health and family dynamics. They may very well benefit from the attention of a caring parent. Keep this in mind when you interact with your child’s friends. It can help you to remember to have compassion while also making sure your child isn’t harmed by these dysfunctional friendships.

If you feel like your child is genuinely in danger because of a toxic friendship, you may need to step in. Talk to school staff or if you think your teen and their friends are pursuing dangerous activities or substance abuse on school grounds. Or you can consider speaking with the friend’s parents or other parents who might have information about the situation. If you do have to seek outside support, tell your teen what you’re doing. Hiding your behavior may lead to feelings of betrayal and anger.

Teen Toxic Friendships: Dos and Don’ts for Parents

Here are some Dos and Don’ts to keep in mind when communicating with your child about their friendships.

How Teens’ Toxic Friendships Impact Mental Health

Toxic friendships can contribute to poor mental health. Components of toxic friendships such as rejection, cruelty, and gaslighting can lead to or exacerbate anxiety, depression, and isolation. Bad friends can lead to loneliness and low self-esteem.

Toxic friends can make a teenager harder to deal with. You may feel like you don’t recognize who they’re becoming. The behaviors they engage in may feel shocking or scary to you. They may start to show signs of emotional distress, including withdrawal and isolation.

Try to be patient while you support them through this. For teens, rejection is one of the worst fates to suffer. Watch for signs that they may need additional support. If they need more help and resources than you can provide, mental health treatment is a great option.

Teen Treatment at Newport Academy

If your teen has suffered from toxic friendships, the teen mental health program at Newport Academy can help. This program offers in-person mental health treatment in a supportive environment. Your child will connect with peers who have had similar challenges and build the skills to make healthy friendships.

In group therapy, teens practice being honest and open with peers who understand what they’re going through. Our comprehensive clinical model also includes individual therapy, experiential therapy, and family therapy. We provide both residential and outpatient treatment, depending on the needs of the adolescent and family.

Our approach to adolescent counseling support young people ages 12–18 to gain self-confidence, overcome isolation, and feel empowered to form healthy friendships. We also help them recover from behavioral issues they may have learned through negative friends. If you need help finding age-appropriate resources in your area, contact us. We’re here to help you and your family find the compassionate and expert care you need.

Frequently Asked Questions

Sources

Adolescent Res Rev. 2021; 6: 57–73.