Wondering how to deal with your teenage son? Raising a teenage son can be challenging and much different than raising a teenage daughter. Parenting teen boys requires patience and empathy, as well as self-compassion. And teenage boy behavior can be particularly hard to navigate.
Parenting teen boys is especially hard right now, when teens are experiencing more loneliness, depression, and anxiety than ever before. Moreover, while teenage girls are more likely to talk about what they’re feeling, teenage boys tend to withdraw when they’re struggling. Hence, they don’t get the parental support or professional help they need.
Understanding Teen Boy Behavior and the Teenage Brain
The question of how to deal with your teenage son starts with understanding the root causes of teenage boy problems. What are teenage boys experiencing during these turbulent years? And how can parents of teens practice awareness and create an authentic connection?
Parenting teenagers and dealing with teenage boy problems is often easier when parents are familiar with the process of adolescent development. Teenage boy behavior is controlled in large part by the hormonal and neurobiological changes that occur during the teenage years, as puberty takes over.
Furthermore, the teenage brain is still developing. The area of the brain that’s responsible for judgment and decision-making, the prefrontal cortex, doesn’t fully mature until the mid-20s. Hence, teen boys experience shifting impulses and emotions. Parenting teenagers and figuring out how to deal with your teenage son can feel impossible during these years.
Dealing with Teenage Boys’ Risky Behavior
When parents talk about dealing with teenage boys, they’re often referring to their teen son’s risky behavior. Risky teenage boy behavior may include:
- Reckless driving
- Unprotected sex
- Substance abuse, which is more common among teen boys than girls
- Binge drinking
- Cigarette smoking
- Behavior that may lead to violence or injury—e.g., fighting, carrying weapons, or participating in unsafe recreational activities.
There are many reasons why teenage boys are drawn to risk-taking behaviors. External stressors can push teenage boys toward risky behaviors to let off steam. In addition, peer pressure can be a factor.
One study found that taking risks during the teenage years can be a way for young people to explore and learn more about their world. However, a smaller subset of teens—specifically those with impulse control problems—is disproportionately likely to experience the negative consequences of risky behaviors.
Creating Clear Limits and Consequences for Your Teenage Son
When dealing with teenage boys, parents need to create clear limits and effective consequences. Hence, when navigating teenage boy problems, take a direct approach. Here are five positive parenting principles for how to deal with your teenage son.
- Set limits. First, parents and teen boys agree to set boundaries and rules that both agree on. The rules are based on shared values about staying safe and keeping harmony in the family.
- Write it down. Furthermore, families might consider drafting a written agreement. Therefore, the guidelines and boundaries are clear to everyone.
- Agree on consequences. Next, parents and sons agree on age-appropriate consequences that will go into effect if the rules are broken. For example, a consequence might be loss of car privileges or an earlier curfew. Moreover, the consequence should be age-appropriate.
- Invoke restitution. In addition, parents and teen boys can use a consequence known as restitution or restoration. Hence, teens help make a situation better after violating the shared contract. For example, if they get a speeding ticket, they pay it on their own. Or they take steps to repair a relationship with a sibling after a fight. As a result, a teen can earn back parents’ trust.
- Avoid severe punishment. However, severe punishment is not the best approach for dealing with your teenage son. In fact, punishment can make things worse. Teenage boys may feel rejected and resentful. Hence, they may withdraw further from their parents.
Research shows that teenage sons do better when their parents remain warm, open, and supportive, while also setting firm boundaries.
How Do I Deal with My Teenage Son’s Attitude?
“My son is so mean!” As mental health experts, we hear parents voice this complaint frequently. It can be hard to remain compassionate when your son is displaying anger and aggression, or withdrawing into their room all the time. Nobody said parenting teenagers was easy!
However, as we’ve mentioned, understanding what’s going on with your son can help you stay calm and not take their teen boy behavior personally. For teenage boys, anger is sometimes a default emotion. Because of the way teen boys and young men are socialized, it’s easier for them to be angry than to show vulnerability, fear, or sadness. So when you’re struggling with how to deal with an angry teenage son, try to get at what’s underneath that difficult behavior. You can also offer them some approaches for regulating their emotions. Here are a few tips for teen anger management.
What about dealing with a narcissistic teenager? Adolescent egocentrism is a natural phase of the teen years. Teens become preoccupied with what others think of them, believing that everyone around them is focused on their behavior. Some teenagers become intensely insecure and self-aware. Others display over-confidence and self-centeredness. Either way, parenting teens during this time can be frustrating and confusing.
Raising a Teenage Son in the Age of the Internet
When it comes to parenting teens, technology can be the enemy. Teen boys often spend hours playing video games, leading to a risk of internet gaming disorder. While teenage girls tend to feel the negative effects of social media more intensely, teen boys also experience FOMO and cyberbullying. Regardless of what they’re doing online, teen boys who spend too much time staring at screens suffer from deficits in sleep, physical exercise, time outdoors, and real-life connection with peers.
This plugged-in generation needs support to limit their device usage while still taking advantage of the benefits of technology. Create house rules around tech use, such as no phones at meals or before bed. Have everyone plug their phone into a charger in the living room at least an hour before bed, and buy your teen an old-fashioned alarm clock to wake up to. In addition, educate teenage boys about the ways in which tech companies use artificial intelligence to keep them online longer. And explain to them that the dopamine rushes produced by gaming or social media use can actually impede brain development. Work together to establish guidelines around healthy device management.
5 Keys for Communicating with Your Teenage Son
Often, teenage sons find it difficult to put their emotions into words. A national survey commissioned by Plan International USA polled over 1,000 teens and found that a third of boys think that society expects them to “be a man,” “suck it up,” and hide their feelings when they feel sad or scared. It can be very difficult when your teenage son won’t talk to you about their feelings and you have to find a way to start the conversation.
Therefore, raising a teenage son includes recognizing that they may not feel comfortable sharing their innermost thoughts. As a result, parents of teens can get frustrated and feel ignored. Instead, when dealing with teenage boys, try the following approaches for how to connect with your teenage son through conversation.
- Keep it short and sweet. This is an important aspect of how to talk to teens. If you have something you need your teen son to know, offer a series of clear points. Subsequently, let him respond to each.
- Don’t overdo the eye contact. While eye contact is often recommended for effective communication, that doesn’t hold true for dealing with your teenage son. Instead, it might overwhelm or intimidate him. For that reason, driving in the car together can be a good time for talking.
- Talk while you’re in action. Many teen boys find it easier to communicate when they’re doing something else at the same time. So have your chat while playing a game, taking a hike, or preparing dinner together.
- Stay calm. When assessing how to deal with your teenage son, don’t let your emotions get the upper hand. Showing anger or frustration may drive him deeper into his shell. As a result, he will be less likely to come to you for support.
- Give him time to process. Many teenage boys need a few hours or even days to think about important conversations. Therefore, don’t be disappointed if your teen son doesn’t change his behavior or attitude right away. Let him take in the information and then process it in his own time.
Download our tips for communicating with teenage boys.
The Bottom Line About Raising Teenage Sons
Sometimes parents of teens might feel that their teenage son has no interest in them. But parents shouldn’t let that fool them. The evidence clearly points to the importance of a positive parenting approach. In particular, trusting and supportive relationships between parents and teenage sons are proven to boost teen mental health and decrease substance abuse. Healthy teen-parent connection helps teenage boys grow into strong, independent young men. How to deal with your teenage son as he becomes a young man is to stay involved, no matter what.
In addition, to do the best job you can of raising a teenage son, practicing self-care is essential. Connect with other parents who are raising teenage boys. Find time to do activities that help you stay balanced and strengthen your resilience. And remember; Part of parenting teens is reaching out for additional support. Don’t hesitate to check in with a mental healthcare provider. You can start with a high school guidance counselor or your pediatrician.
Treatment for Mental Health Issues in Teen Boys
Because teenage boys (on the whole) tend to be less vocal about their emotions, parents need to be extra observant of teenage boy behavior. If you’re seeing signs of anxiety or depression in your teen son, contact your healthcare provider or reach out to Newport Academy’s team of experts today.
Our residential treatment and outpatient programs around the country provide gender-responsive care that addresses the needs of teen boys within a supportive and caring environment. Contact us to schedule a teen mental health assessment at no charge.
Key Takeaways
- Dealing with your teenage son can be easier when you understand the root causes of their behavior, including the intense emotional and physical changes they are undergoing during the teen years.
- Because risk-taking behaviors are common in teen boys, parents need to establish clear limits and consequences, while remaining calm and compassionate.
- Anger and self-absorption are two common challenges when raising teenage boys. Try to get to what’s underneath these attitudes. Teenage boys may be experiencing insecurity, fear, sadness, or a mental health issue such as anxiety or depression.
- Building a trusting and supportive relationship with your teen son starts with establishing open communication. A positive parenting approach includes checking in frequently and making sure he knows you’re there for him.
- Raising a teenage son may sometimes include reaching out for additional support from a mental healthcare provider. If your son is struggling, teen treatment can equip him with the tools he needs for healthy coping and emotional regulation.
Frequently Asked Questions About Raising a Teenage Son
Rather than reacting with anger to his attitude and behavior, try to get at what’s underneath it. Is he struggling with sadness, fear, anxiety, or another emotion or mental health issue? Moreover, self-care is essential for parenting teenage boys, to help you stay centered and calm when dealing with your teen son.
With teens, it’s less important to focus on what’s “normal” and more important to focus on strengthening communication and observing behaviors so you can tell whether your son needs additional support. That said, typical teen boy behavior may include mood swings, irritability, withdrawal from parents, and risky choices. The intensity and frequency of these behaviors can help indicate whether professional mental health support is necessary.
Not necessarily. Depriving a teen of their phone can leave them feeling angry, left out, and disconnected. It’s usually more useful to limit phone time on a regular basis, rather than taking the phone away altogether as a punishment. For example, everyone in the family should be expected to turn off their phone during meals. In addition, find ways to help your son engage in real-life activities, whether that’s hiking, sports, volunteering, or an after-school job.