If you’re the parent of a teenager, your child’s behavior surely gets under your skin at least some of the time. Most teens can be moody, distant, argumentative, and defiant to one degree or another. Power struggles between teens and parents are common. Out-of-control teens, however, take bad behavior to a different level.
A teen who is out of control may act in disturbing, socially unacceptable ways that can be harmful to themselves or others. If your teen is engaging in destructive behaviors, don’t look the other way. Failing to address troubled teen behavior can have dire consequences.
Key Takeaways
- Out-of-control teen behavior is socially unacceptable or puts your teen or others at risk in some way.
- Verbal abuse, physical abuse, substance abuse, self-harm, and talk of suicide are some out-of-control teenage behaviors.
- Some teens exhibit out-of-control behavior because of substance use or underlying mental health issues.
- To manage out-of-control teens, stay calm, encourage open communication, set boundaries, enforce consequences, and seek professional help when needed.
What Does It Mean When a Teen Is Out of Control?
There’s a difference between out-of-control behavior and normal teen behaviors. When teens roll their eyes, give you one-word answers, experiment with different hair and clothing styles, spend most of their time in their room, and slam doors, they’re displaying typical teenage behavior.
Out-of-control teens exhibit more dangerous behavior. While a typical teen can experience intense emotions, an out-of-control teen might engage in violent behavior or verbal abuse when you enforce rules.
Other high-risk behaviors can follow, like using substances, driving under the influence, or having unprotected sex. They could even get in trouble with law enforcement. These are clear warning signs that your teen’s behavior is out of control.
Examples of Out-of-Control Teenage Behaviors
Out-of-control teen behavior takes many different forms. The following are red flags for parents of adolescents. Take immediate action to support your teen if they are:
- Experiencing intense mood swings
- Withdrawing from friends and family
- Staying out all night and not coming home
- Skipping school regularly
- Running away repeatedly
- Shoplifting
- Refusing to follow rules and defying parents and/or teachers
- Threatening others in person or online
- Becoming verbally or physically abusive
- Damaging property
- Gaining or losing large amounts of weight
- Engaging in self-harm
- Using drugs and alcohol regularly
- Mistreating animals
- Getting in trouble with the law
- Talking about suicide
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3 Reasons a Teen Might Be Out of Control
Teens can exhibit out-of-control behavior for any number of reasons. Here are some of the most common catalysts.
Mental Health or Learning Issues
Teens who get out of control often suffer from behavioral, emotional, or learning disabilities that go beyond run-of-the-mill teenage struggles. A study in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology found that approximately 1 in 5 teens between the ages of 12 and 18 suffers from at least one diagnosable mental health disorder, such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, bipolar disorder, or ADHD.
Teen boys with mental health or learning issues tend to exhibit aggressive behavior rather than expressing sadness, because they’re socialized to hide their vulnerability. Suppressing mental health issues can eventually cause them to explode and lose control. However, teenage girls can demonstrate aggressive behavior as well. Teens with substance use disorder can also become hostile, rebellious, and confrontational due to habitual drug and alcohol use.
Family Dysfunction
Family strife can be a culprit, as well. Adolescents with a history of physical or sexual abuse or other kinds of trauma may experience teen depression and anxiety. In turn, this can lead to out-of-control behavior. In addition, some teens act out because they’re deeply affected by their parents’ divorce, a parent’s substance use disorder or other mental illness, or the death of a loved one.
Adolescent Stress
Some teens have an especially difficult time navigating the stress of adolescence. The struggle for independence, a not-yet-fully-developed brain, and surging hormones can provoke impulsivity, risk-taking, and out-of-control behaviors. And parents can be left feeling helpless, stunned, and deeply concerned.
5 Ways to Manage Out-of-Control Teenagers
Parenting an out-of-control teenager can be exhausting. But it’s important to remember that you’re still the adult. Your wisdom and life experience can be invaluable in helping turn your child around. Even though you have a troubled teen, there are ways to calm them down and prevent them from doing something they’ll regret.
Keep Your Cool
Your behavior teaches your children how to act. If you explode in a fury when your troubled teenager crashes the car or fails math class, you can bet they won’t listen to you. More than that, they’ll likely become hostile, too. Before you know it, the two of you will be in a screaming match. If you stay calm and speak in an even tone, you increase the chances of your teen being able to absorb what you tell them.
Encourage Openness
If your teenage daughter or son is exhibiting destructive behavior, don’t jump into lecturing and punishing them. Instead, let them know you’re concerned and that you’re there to talk and to help them get through hard times. Share some of the challenges you faced as a young person. Encourage them to share their struggles—and listen without judgment. Ask how they’re feeling. Create an open line of communication so you can understand what’s prompting their bad behavior, and help them address the root causes.
Create Structure
Your out-of-control teen may seem like they want complete freedom to do as they please. But in reality, most teens do better when they have some clear limits. Creating structure in your home is essential if you’re dealing with a troubled adolescent. Establish clear expectations around curfew, meals, chores, homework, even tone of voice.
Providing your teen with structure not only gives them a sense of purpose, but also reduces their stress. As you set the guidelines you expect them to follow, inquire about your teen’s needs and desires, too. This helps them feel heard and respected. Ultimately, they will be more willing to adhere to the structure if they’ve had input on it.
Enforce Consequences
Setting clear expectations is the first step. But you also have to establish consequences if rules are broken—and enforce them. If you don’t, your teen won’t take you or your rules seriously. They’ll be more apt to use manipulation to get their way. That’s why it’s imperative that you be consistent about enforcing consequences. In addition to involving your teen in creating structure, ask them for input around reasonable consequences.
Access Support from a Mental Health Professional
Sometimes, no matter how available you make yourself, how calmly you react, how clearly you set expectations, or how consistently you enforce consequences, your teenager will still behave in irrational, destructive, and unacceptable ways. If that is the case, your teen may be suffering from a mental health issue or an addiction that requires professional support. If you’re at your wit’s end, seek support from a a therapist or counselor who can evaluate your teen and provide your family with tools and strategies to jump-start their recovery.
Teen and Family Treatment at Newport Academy
At Newport Academy, we understand the struggles that out-of-control teenagers and their families experience. Our expert team of clinicians can address the painful impact of destructive teen behavior and the mental health conditions that catalyze it. By uncovering and treating the root causes of out-of-control teen behavior, we restore teens’ self-esteem and well-being.
The foundation of our treatment is Attachment-Based Family Therapy, which aims to restore trust and communication between parents and teens. Each teens’ tailored treatment plan includes individual therapy, group therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and EMDR. We also offer experiential modalities like Mixed Martial Arts and Adventure Therapy, which help teens release energy and aggression in productive ways.
Teens in our residential and outpatient treatment programs emerge with greater self-awareness and self-esteem, improved family relationships, healthy coping skills, and a sense of hope for the future.
Contact us today to schedule a free teen mental health assessment and learn more about our family-focused clinical model.
Frequently Asked Questions
Sources
J Abnormal Psychol. 2019; 128(3): 185–199.
