Adolescence is a time marking the inevitable transition from childhood to adulthood. Puberty is the catalyst for this stage of maturation, ushering in a host of physical and emotional changes. Exploration of teenage sexuality and gender identity typically comes to the forefront during this period of intense growth.
As children become adolescents, they begin searching for, understanding, and shaping their own identities, which may include gender identity. They also begin developing sexual feelings, and may have sexual experiences. It’s important to understand that teenage sexuality is a natural part of adolescence, and it looks different for everyone.
Teenagers will feel more comfortable talking about sex and being who they are when everyone—parents and teenagers alike—understands that both gender identity and sexual orientation exist on a spectrum. In addition, having a shared understanding and a common language for these topics will help support open communication.
The Difference Between Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation
It’s easy to confuse gender identity with sexual orientation, but they’re not the same.
Gender identity is who you feel you are at your core. Sexual orientation describes who you’re attracted to on a physical, romantic, and/or emotional level.
What Is Gender Identity?
Gender identity refers to a person’s own internal sense of their gender, whether that is male, female, neither, or both. It is felt on the inside, not visible to others. And it may or may not match the way someone looks on the outside.
For a long time, society recognized only two gender identities: male and female. Gender identity, however, encompasses more than this binary. Gender-expansive, genderqueer, and gender-diverse are all terms that refer to those whose gender identity is more flexible than this binary paradigm.
Types of Gender Identities in Teens
- Cisgender: Teens whose gender identity matches the gender they were assigned at birth are called cisgender, or cis. Being cis means you were assigned male at birth and you identify as male, or assigned female at birth and you identify as female.
- Non-binary: Some teens, however, identify as non-binary, meaning their gender identity isn’t exclusively male or female. They may experience their gender as both male and female, or they may experience it as neither (agender). Some describe themselves as genderfluid, meaning their gender identity and gender expression (how they express their gender in appearance, dress, and behavior) can fluctuate.
- Trans: Transgender teens identify with a gender that is different from the one they were assigned at birth. Sometimes the word transgender is shortened to “trans,” as in “trans male” (female to male) or “trans female” (male to female). Some transgender teens use clothing and behavior to express the gender they identify as. Others may take hormones or undergo surgery as well, so their bodies match their gender identity.
Teen Sexual Orientation
Just as it does in adults, teenage sexuality exists on a continuum. Compared to previous generations, young people today generally have less rigid ideas about sexual orientation. In fact, recent nationwide surveys show that more teens in the United States identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.
According to CDC data, the percentage of 15- to 17-year-olds who identify as “non-heterosexual” rose from 8 to 12 percent between 2015 and 2019. For young adults, that percentage is even higher. A 2022 Gallup poll found that 1 in every 5 Gen Z Americans—the generation born between 1997 and 2003—identifies as LGBT.
It’s unclear whether there’s an actual increase in LGBTQ orientation among teenagers and young adults, or whether they feel safer being honest about their sexual orientation as acceptance of the LGBTQ community grows. Regardless, teens today have a greater awareness of different types of sexual orientation and more language to describe it.
Types of Sexual Orientation in Teens
Sexual orientation in teens is usually divided into these categories:
- Heterosexual (straight) teens are attracted to people of the “opposite” sex or gender.
- Mostly straight teens are predominantly attracted to people of the opposite sex, but they may occasionally feel sexual attraction to or have sexual experiences with teens of the same sex.
- Homosexual Teens are attracted to people of the same sex. Homosexual males are referred to as gay, and homosexual females are called lesbian or gay.
- Mostly gay teens are predominantly attracted to people of the same sex, but they may occasionally feel sexual attraction to or have sexual experiences with people of the opposite sex.
- Bisexual teens have the capacity to form attraction and/or relationships to more than one gender.
- Pansexual teens are attracted to people of any gender or to people regardless of their gender.
- Asexual teens are not sexually attracted to other people.
- Queer refers to an identity that expands outside of heterosexuality.
- Fluid refers to a person who experiences changes in their sexual attraction over time and/or depending on the situation.
At What Age Do You Determine Your Sexuality?
Parents may have a hard time seeing their children as sexual beings, but the truth is that sexual development begins before puberty. It’s natural for very young children to touch their genitals and to be curious about one another’s bodies.
By age two or three, children start to understand the difference between boys and girls and become aware of their gender identity. Sexual orientation, however, is usually discovered over a longer timeline. For some, it’s ingrained at birth. Many gay teens say they had same-sex crushes in pre-school, just as their straight peers had opposite-sex crushes.
As they approach puberty, most children instinctively become more interested in sex. They may start to feel attracted to others in their peer group and may begin to engage in sexual activity. Many recognize their sexual orientation at this time, even if they haven’t shared it with anyone else. In fact, 48 percent of gay and bisexual college students say they knew their sexual orientation in high school, according to researchers from the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States.
Early sexual experiences do not necessarily mean that a teen is gay or straight, however. Adolescent sexuality can be an exploratory process that helps teens sort through a myriad of feelings that crystallize into a sexual identity later in life.
Gender Identity, Teenage Sexuality, and Mental Health
In themselves, teen sexuality and gender identity are not mental health issues. However, teens who struggle with their gender identity or sexual orientation are more apt to experience mental health issues like anxiety and depression than those who don’t. They’re also at higher risk for substance use and suicide. That’s because they must cope with discrimination, rejection, bullying, and even violence from society, their religious or ethnic community, or even their own family members. As far as we have come as a society, there is still ongoing prejudice and discrimination impacting LGBTQ teen safety, well-being, and mental health.
The Trevor Project’s 2022 National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health surveyed nearly 34,000 LGBTQ youth between the ages of 13 to 24 across the United States. Results showed the following LGBTQ mental health statistics:
- 73% of LGBTQ youth reported experiencing symptoms of anxiety
- 58% of LGBTQ youth reported experiencing symptoms of depression
- 45% of LGBTQ youth seriously considered suicide in the past year
- 14% of LGBTQ youth attempted suicide in the past year
- 1 in 5 transgender youth attempted suicide in the past year
Mental Health Risk Factors for LGBTQ Teens
Here are some of the common challenges faced by LGBTQ adolescents that can negatively impact their mental health.
Threats of harm: According to the Trevor Project’s 2022 research, 31 percent of LGBTQ youth reported being physically threatened or harmed due to their sexual orientation. And 37 percent of transgender and nonbinary youth reported the same due to their gender identity.
Lack of gender-affirming care: Research shows that receiving gender-affirming care has a powerful impact on teen mental health, even if it’s just affirming someone’s (asserted) name.
Being addressed by the wrong pronouns: Pronouns are the words we use to refer to others when not using their name. These include female pronouns (she/her/hers) and male pronouns (he/him/his), as well as the nonbinary pronouns they/their/theirs. Trevor Project research shows that trans and nonbinary youth whose pronouns are respected by the people they live with were 50 percent less likely to attempt suicide as those whose pronouns were not respected.
Family members who are unsupportive: This is a primary cause of LGBTQ teen mental health challenges. LGBTQ youth who do not experience strong support from family attempt suicide at twice the rate of those who feel high social support.
What Is Gender Dysphoria?
Trans people sometimes experience psychological distress due to the incongruence between the sex they were assigned at birth and their gender identity. This is known as gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria often begins in childhood. But some people don’t experience it until puberty or even later.
Gender dysphoria affects how teens function at home, at school, and at work. While depression and anxiety are common symptoms, gender dysphoria might also manifest as anger, sadness, restlessness, or pervasive unhappiness.Teens with gender dysphoria may feel a strong desire to prevent their sexual development or get rid of their genitals and secondary sex characteristics like breasts or facial hair.
Risk-Taking Behaviors and Teen Sexuality
Adolescence is a developmental period characterized by increased risk-taking and experimentation in all areas of teenagers’ lives, including their sexuality. Peer pressure can be powerful, causing teens to take greater risks than they might otherwise. The teenage years are also the time when most mental health disorders emerge.
Conditions such as depression, anxiety, and emotional stress are correlated with risky teen sexual behaviors. These include having unprotected sex or having sex while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Some adverse consequences of sexual risk-taking—which disproportionately affect females—are unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, and HIV.
How to Talk to Your Teen About Sexuality and Gender
Sex and teenage sexuality, including sexual health, are topics adolescents study in school. However, teachers may be limited in what they are free to talk about or feel comfortable talking about. Therefore, communicating honesty and authentically about teen sexuality and gender identity is ultimately a parent’s job. Being open with and supportive of their teens as they explore these areas helps protect them from both physical and mental health challenges. Here are some tips for parents:
Start talking early.
Teen sexual activity and gender identity can’t be covered in a one-and-done conversation when your child asks where babies come from. Or even worse, right before prom night! It should be an ongoing discussion. Begin talking about body parts and appropriate and inappropriate touch when children are young. As they approach puberty, expand the conversation to include their developing sexuality as well as gender identity. When you routinely discuss these topics, teens will have an easier time talking about it as they enter puberty.
Assess, acknowledge, and expand your comfort level.
For many parents, it’s a stretch to feel comfortable talking about sexuality and gender identity in general, not to mention teen sexual behavior specifically. Gauge your comfort level and acknowledge that talking about these things can feel awkward. Then work on expanding your comfort level. The more at ease you are talking about teenage sexuality and gender identity, the more comfortable your teen will feel coming to you with questions or concerns.
Access support.
If you’re less knowledgeable about some aspect of gender identity or sexual development in adolescence—or you’re less comfortable talking about it because of your own history—reach out to others. Seek out a co-parent, grandparent, or friend for support. Or engage professionals in your community like teachers, nurses, doctors, or mental health providers.
Share your values.
Tweens and teens can learn the facts about sex in a health class, a book, or on the internet. As a parent, you’re an important source for the facts, as well. But it’s even more important for parents to impart their values around healthy teenage sexuality so children don’t adopt them primarily from friends, television, music, or even internet pornography.
Listen closely.
The more you listen to your teenagers without judgment, the more comfortable they’ll feel sharing their thoughts and feelings on any number of subjects, including sexuality and gender identity. When you speak less and listen more, you exponentially increase the chances that your teens will come to you with their questions, worries, or confusion.
Be “sex positive.”
If you just hammer home the dangers and consequences of teenage sexuality, you may inadvertently encourage rebellion. On the other hand, if you speak about sexuality as a natural and enjoyable part of being human, your teen will be much more apt to make healthy choices. That include choices about sexual partners and sexual activity as their sexuality develops.
Treatment at Newport Academy for Mental Health Issues Related to Teenage Sexuality and Gender Identity
For some teens, talking and learning about sexuality at school and at home aren’t enough. Questions and concerns related to sexual orientation and gender identity may require additional support. That can be especially true for LGBTQ teenagers, who are at greater risk of mental health challenges. For teens struggling with complex conditions such as gender dysphoria, mental health treatment is especially important.
At Newport Academy, we uncover and address the mental health factors that may be fueling adolescent feelings of anxiety, depression, and anger, as well as suicidal ideation. We can help teens and families find a therapist or treatment program that helps build self-knowledge, self-acceptance, and self-love.
Contact us today to find out about our tailored treatment plans for adolescents and our residential and outpatient locations nationwide.
Key Takeaways
- Gender identity describes the gender you feel you are, such as male, female, non-binary, genderfluid, or transgender.
- As with gender identity, sexual orientation exists on a spectrum. Heterosexuality and homosexuality are at opposite ends of the spectrum, but other sexual orientations exist, such as bisexual, pansexual, mostly heterosexual, mostly homosexual, or asexual.
- Some children know their sexual identity when they’re in preschool. Most know it by adolescence, but some don’t know it until later in life.
- LGBTQ youth are more likely to suffer from anxiety, depression, and substance abuse than cisgender, heterosexual teens. They’re also at higher risk for suicide.
- If you start talking about sex with your child when they’re young, they’ll have easier time talking about it with you during adolescence.
- Therapy can support teens to address gender dysphoria and other mental health issues related to gender identity and teen sexuality.
Frequently Asked Questions about Teenage Sexuality
Sources:
JAMA Netw Open. 2022; 5(2): e220978.
Trevor Project National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health 2022
