Getting information out of a teen boy can be difficult, if not impossible. The stereotypes of teen boy communication at this age—monosyllabic answers to every question, a complete lack of eye contact, and the inevitable eye roll when you ask them about their life—are often true. And then there’s the struggle to get them away from their phone, video games, or other devices long enough to have a heart-to-heart.
But it’s worth taking the time and making the effort, because research shows that mental health in teen boys is suffering. While boys are less likely to report anxiety or depression symptoms, their risk of suicide is high. The most recent CDC report found that 29 percent of boys report feeling sad or hopeless almost every day. And 14 percent of teen boys had seriously considered suicide in the past year.
But parents can help. Research shows that parent-child communication can make a powerful positive difference in adolescent well-being.
What You’ll Learn
- What are some contributing factors to mental health issues in adolescent boys?
- Why is it more important to listen than to talk when trying to get a teen boy to open up about mental health?
- What are examples of dismissive language parents should avoid when talking to their teen boy?
- How can treatment at Newport Academy help adolescent boys with mental health struggles?
Quick Read
In this article, we discuss the challenges of communicating with teen boys about mental health, highlighting that societal norms often discourage open discussions. Many boys may feel pressure to appear strong and stoic, which can lead to feelings of isolation and mental health issues. Research indicates that while boys may not report symptoms of anxiety or depression as frequently, their risk of suicide is significant. Parents can play a crucial role in supporting their sons by fostering open communication, understanding the unique ways mental health issues may manifest in boys, and creating a safe space for vulnerability.
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Understanding Teen Boys and Mental Health
Societal norms have often dictated that boys and young men should be stoic, strong, and self-reliant, which can create barriers to open discussions about mental health. This cultural stigma can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and depression, as many young men may feel pressured to conform to these expectations rather than seek the emotional support they need. Moreover, the adolescent years are a critical period for identity formation and self-esteem development, making mental health particularly significant during this time.
Recognizing that mental health issues can manifest differently in males—sometimes through anger, irritability, or withdrawal rather than sadness—is essential for parents, educators, and peers to provide appropriate support.
In addition to the pressure to conform to societal norms, here are some contributing factors to mental health issues in teen boys:
Family Dynamics
Factors such as parental conflict or divorce, lack of support, or a history of mental health issues in the family can increase the risk of mental health problems in boys.
Trauma and Adverse Experiences
Exposure to trauma, whether through abuse, neglect, or witnessing violence, can have lasting effects on mental health. Boys who experience such events may struggle with feelings of fear, anger, or sadness.
Social Media
The pervasive influence of social media can lead to comparison, cyberbullying, and unrealistic standards of success and appearance. While eating disorders and body image issues are typically associated with teen girls, they are prevalent among teen boys as well—and just as harmful. Boys and men make up one third of all people with eating disorders, according to the American Psychological Association.
Genetics
Hormonal changes during adolescence can have a substantial impact on mood and behavior. Additionally, genetic predispositions to mental health disorders can play a role in the development of issues like depression or anxiety in teen boys.
5 Tips for Talking to Boys About Mental Health
Here are five ways for parents and other caregivers and mentors to push through the barriers and learn how to talk to boys about their mental health.
#1: Do More Listening Than Talking
Most boys are not as verbally prolific as their female counterparts. Many male teens are conditioned not to show as much emotion or even give as many cues through body language or facial expressions. This requires parents and care providers to be that much more attentive to the cues teen boys do give, and the few words that they do say. As parents and caregivers, you need to talk less and listen more.
The most productive feedback about a young teen boy’s mental health comes from watching and listening. Look for changes in sleep, mood, level of irritability, and eating habits. Pushing for verbal communication isn’t always necessary or helpful. When a boy is emotionally volatile, he can perceive questions as prying or judgmental, and may become defensive and even less likely to open up. Active listening will help earn his trust, and, over time, he will be more likely to open up.
#2: Make It Okay to Be Vulnerable
When parents and other adults are vulnerable and talk about their feelings openly, while respecting appropriate boundaries, teens are more likely to respond in kind. In particular, if another male figure—whether a father, older brother, or mentor—is willing to communicate about emotions and struggles associated with male mental health, teen boys will feel encouraged and safe to express their emotions.
Establishing honest communication requires acceptance, compassion, and a nonjudgmental attitude. One of the most common errors adults make is communicating to boys that their emotions are unacceptable or shameful. Dismissive messages such as “Grow up,” “Be a man,” or “Deal with it” send a message that being vulnerable is wrong or that it is not okay to feel what they’re feeling. These types of messages, whether explicit or implicit, keep boys from sharing what they’re feeling or letting parents know they need help. That may be one of the reasons why a study of private mental healthcare claims for teens found that females accounted for more than two-thirds of mental health claims.
#3: Give Teen Boys Mental Health Education
How male mental health is perceived and discussed at home directly impacts how a teen boy relates to this topic and how willing he will be to discuss it. For example, if a friend or family member is diagnosed with or receiving treatment for any type of mental health condition, be open, and discuss it.
News stories about celebrities struggling with mental health or addiction, movies or TV on these subjects, and peers’ social media posts can all serve as doorways to talking about teen mental health. Watch for opportunities to encourage mental health education through school or other activities. Parents who are open and educated about mental health will encourage a similar mindset in their son.
#4: Respect Their Emotional and Personal Space
As a parent or caregiver, a good rule of thumb for any type of personal or emotional question is to ask twice, but not too many times. The first time lets him know that you are interested; the second time demonstrates that you care. But more than that makes you seem invasive or nosy if he is not ready to open up. Showing concern and yet respecting personal space allows him to build trust—and those trusting bonds between parents and adolescents are proven to decrease the risk of anxiety and depression.
There may be times when it is appropriate to check an electronic device, journal, bedroom, or another personal item. When there are serious concerns about substance use, self-harm, or other issues for a teen boy or one of his friends, getting more information could be necessary. But this is a violation of personal privacy and may create lasting damage to his trust in you or your relationship with him. Whenever possible, focus on creating trust and getting him to share, rather than looking for answers by betraying his trust.
#5: Be Open to Conversations as They Arise
Sometimes, the most honest and heartfelt communication happens when it’s not planned—while driving, working together, exercising together, or playing together. All of the listening, respectfulness, and trust-building may come to fruition at the most unexpected moments, so it is important to be ready to listen.
Moreover, when a young teen boy is verbally communicating, don’t interrupt. Eventually, you will have the opportunity to offer feedback and advice, but if you don’t let him finish talking, he may stop talking altogether. Even if what you’re hearing is scary or upsetting, stay calm and, when he’s ready to hear from you, assure him you will weather the storm together.
In summary, listen to and observe teen boys, and then create opportunities to learn more about male mental health together. Patience, acceptance, and unconditional love will build the foundation on which a teen boy feels safe to share his inner self.
Mental Health Services for Teen Boys at Newport Academy
At Newport Academy, we understand the struggles that teen boys face. We support boys and their families to build trust and open communication. The foundation of our treatment is Attachment-Based Family Therapy, which is designed to help teens feel safe turning to their parents for support when they’re struggling.
In addition, each teens’ tailored treatment plan includes individual therapy, group therapy, using research-backed modalities including, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and EMDR. Active approaches that don’t involve talking about feelings can often be more effective for teen boys, so we also offer a wide range of experiential modalities, including Mixed Martial Arts, Adventure Therapy, music therapy, and more (depending on location).
Teen boys in our residential and outpatient treatment programs emerge with greater self-awareness and self-esteem, improved family relationships, and healthy coping skills. Moreover, our programs are separated by gender identity, so boys can form strong connections with peers and treatment providers, within an open and caring environment. Contact us today to schedule a free teen mental health assessment and learn more about our family-focused clinical model.
Sources
JCC Advances. 2023 Nov; e2205: 10.1002.
