5 Ways to Overcome Empty Nest Syndrome

The new school year is in full swing, which for parents of younger kids brings a familiar sort of chaos: the morning rush, the afterschool activities, parent-teacher conferences—a life that revolves around a school calendar.

But once the last child leaves the house, for college or another destination, those chaotic, yet beloved days, are gone. The empty nest can leave parents with a profound sense of loss and lack of purpose.

It’s normal to mourn this chapter. But there are ways parents can embrace this new stage in life. In this article, we’ll share five ways you can fill your empty nest while giving your child the space to spread their wings.

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What You’ll Learn

• What is empty nest syndrome?
• Is empty nest syndrome a clinical diagnosis?
• Why do some parents have a more difficult time when their children move out of the home?
• What are some ways to overcome empty nest syndrome?

Quick Read

When the last child moves out of the home, some parents embrace the newfound freedom while others feel a deep loss. It’s natural to grieve this change, but there are ways to enjoy this new phase of life.

Parents can focus on giving their children space to grow while also exploring new opportunities for themselves.

We’ll explore 5 ways parents can overcome empty nest syndrome and rediscover what makes them happy outside of parenthood.

What Is Empty Nest Syndrome?

Empty nest syndrome (ENS) is a term used to describe the feelings of sadness, loneliness, and grief that parents may experience when their children leave home. While not a clinical diagnosis, ENS has emotional and psychological effects that are worth acknowledging and addressing.  The sudden absence of daily routines centered around kids, in addition to the shift in family dynamics, can have a significant impact on one or both parents.

An analysis of several studies shows that ENS is complicated and involves several stages that can last up to two years. These stages are: mourning or resistance reaction, feelings of loss or passive behaviors, sublimation or impulsive behaviors, adaptation, and relief. The study emphasizes the importance of seeing ENS as a complicated experience parents face. It also stresses the need for healthcare providers to be prepared to help with preventative or therapeutic measures.

Symptoms of Empty Nest Syndrome

Here are signs to look for:

• Sadness
• Grief
• Loneliness
• Isolation
• Anxiety and worry
• Changes in sleep and appetite
• Depression

Why Do Some Parents Experience Empty Nest Syndrome?

Some parents see this new chapter as one of freedom and possibility while others struggle with the transition. Here are some common reasons that a child moving out of the home hits some parents harder.

Loss of Identity

Many parents identify strongly with their role as caregivers and therefore wrap their identity around parenthood. Maybe they were part of the parent-teacher organization or wore “soccer mom” as a badge of honor. Without these identifiers, parents must rediscover who they are. And for some, this can be overwhelming, and even a bit scary.

Being a parent is an incredible gift. However, it’s important to remember that you are worthy of experiencing joy outside of parenthood.

Relationship Strain

The shift from a parent-centered daily routine to a couple-centered life can be challenging. Spending more time together without distraction can bring unresolved issues to the surface, causing conflict. Additionally, if one parent is experiencing depression, anxiety, or isolation during this time, it can leave the other parent feeling lonely and resentful.  

Overall, the impact of becoming empty nesters on a couple’s relationship can vary widely. It may be a bumpy road, but with effort and understanding, many couples find this stage can lead to a deeper, more fulfilling relationship.

Regret or Worry

This milestone in a child’s journey to adulthood often causes parents to reflect on their parenting journey. They may feel regret over not spending enough quality time with their children. Or they may feel they haven’t adequately prepared their child to handle adult responsibilities or cope with new challenges.

The key is to accept that your child is going to make mistakes, even fail at times, and that’s okay. You can always be there to support them during the fall. But these experiences build confidence and resilience, and help prepare them for any new challenge that comes their way.

When Should You Seek Help?

Feelings of sadness and loss are typical during any major life event, especially when a child leaves home. Adjusting to your new normal can take time. However, it’s essential to recognize that when your symptoms are overwhelming and impact daily functioning, it could be a mental health concern. It may be time to seek professional help if you find that:

• Your feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or helplessness are all-consuming.
• You are withdrawing from social activities or relationships.
• There are significant changes in your sleep or appetite.
• You’re experiencing intense anxiety and/or panic attacks.

5 Ways to Overcome the Empty Nest Blues

So, how do you overcome those empty nest blues? The key is to keep your mind and body busy. Here are 5 ways you can stop ruminating on the past and start living for the future:

1. Reframe Empty Nesting

With a little shift in perspective, you can train your brain to see the positive in this next life stage. Your child is setting out on their own path, pursuing their dreams, and building a future for themselves. And guess what? This is exactly what you’ve prepared them for.

It’s time to celebrate their achievements and what’s to come as they enter young adulthood. Take pride in the role you’ve played in getting them there.

2. Rediscover You

At first, you may find it difficult to detach from your “parent identity.” But over time, you can begin to develop a new routine that includes things that light you up inside. Are there hobbies that have taken a backseat to parenting responsibilities? Maybe you’ve been looking for a career change or have thought about going back to school. It could be as simple as scheduling that weekly Pilates class you never had the time to take.  

It’s easy to lose yourself in the day-to-day. But having something to look forward to can help shift your focus from loss to opportunity.

3. Strengthen and Expand Your Social Circle

Parenting is rewarding. But it’s also time-consuming. It can be tough to balance home and work responsibilities, family time, and friendships. Use this time to nurture relationships that have fallen off.

Call that friend for a coffee date. Join a class that aligns with your interests, whether it’s tapping into your creative skills or getting a good workout. These activities are a great way to make new friends or spend time with existing friends.

4. Rekindle Your Romance

As mentioned earlier, an empty nest can strain a romantic relationship. It’s important to prioritize spending quality time together, whether through date nights, weekend getaways, or activities you enjoy together.

Additionally, consider counseling or support groups if the transition proves too difficult. A professional can help you navigate these complex emotions and give you tools to work though this challenging time.

5. Stay Connected But Give Them Space

Nowadays, maintaining connection is easier than ever. This can be a good thing or a bad thing. Texting and regular video calls with your child can help ease the transition. Just remember not to hover and give them the space they need to discover who they are without you.

You’re Not Alone

Empty nest syndrome is a natural response to a significant life transition. By understanding the emotional impact and implementing strategies to cope, you can navigate this period with grace and resilience. Embracing new opportunities can lead to a fulfilling and enriching chapter in your life.

And remember, it’s okay to seek help if you need it, through parent support groups or therapy with a mental health professional. You deserve to be as happy in this new season as your child.

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Sources:

J Educ Health Promot. 2024 Jul 29;13:269.