Raising a teen can sometimes feel like an unpredictable rollercoaster ride. As a parent, you can expect that there will be days your teenager will be moody, temperamental, and a bit dramatic. But what you may not expect are the moments when they refuse to express their feelings—or quit talking to you altogether. From isolating themselves to giving one-word responses, their behavior can leave you feeling completely shut out.
So, how should you respond when they stop talking to you, won’t tell you the truth, or begin disregarding both boundaries and consequences? While this behavior could just be part of teen growing pains or a relational issue that needs to be resolved, certain behaviors may indicate an underlying mental health issue. It’s important to recognize the difference and when professional support might be needed.
What You’ll Learn
- Why can communication with your child become more difficult during the teenage years?
- What are some ways to build your relationship with your teen, even if they are prone to shutting you out?
- When does frequent isolation indicate a bigger problem with your teen?
- How can mental health treatment help your teen open up?
Quick Read
Navigating the teenage years can feel like a rollercoaster for parents, especially when communication becomes strained. Teens often withdraw, offering minimal responses or isolating themselves altogether, which can leave parents feeling shut out. While this behavior may stem from typical adolescent growing pains, it can also signal deeper mental health issues. Understanding the nuances of your teen’s emotional state is crucial for determining when to seek professional help.
As teens transition into young adulthood, they grapple with vulnerability and a desire for independence, which can complicate their communication with parents. They may struggle to articulate their feelings or may distance themselves from parental opinions, leading to misunderstandings and heightened tensions. Parents must balance their protective instincts with respect for their teen’s autonomy, focusing on clear intentions and active listening to foster a healthier relationship.
To strengthen the parent-teen bond, it’s essential to express genuine intentions, demonstrate attentive listening, and resolve conflicts constructively. Parents should show interest in their teen’s individuality and hobbies, reinforcing that they are valued for who they are. Additionally, modeling desired behaviors and acknowledging personal shortcomings can significantly impact the parent-teen dynamic, encouraging open dialogue and trust.
If a teen exhibits signs of isolation or withdrawal, it may indicate underlying mental health concerns that require professional intervention. Symptoms such as irritability, emotional outbursts, or changes in behavior should not be overlooked. Parents should promote mental health awareness and encourage their teens to seek help when needed, reinforcing that talking to a counselor is a normal and healthy step. For those facing severe challenges, seeking compassionate treatment can provide the necessary support for recovery and improved communication.
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Understanding Teen Emotions and Communication
Teenagers are coming out of childhood, trying to find their place in the world. They may be feeling vulnerable throughout the transition into young adulthood. This can result in interpersonal tension, changes in social behavior, changes in sleeping and eating patterns, and unpredictable mood swings.
Moreover, communication with parents can become more difficult because teens may either not know how they’re feeling or not know how to express what they’re feeling. They want to form their own opinions and operate more independently, which sometimes means separating themselves from their parents’ input and opinions.
As a result, disagreements can feel more severe than they really are. Parents may end up offending their children without meaning to. This can be one reason why teens shut down; but many teens don’t want to be catered to, either. They want to be listened to and respected, even if they still lack good listening skills and a respectful attitude. So, what are parents to do?
Building the Parent-Teen Relationship
So, how do you begin to open the lines of communication if you feel like your teen is shutting you out? As communication becomes tougher, your intentions must become clearer. Here are some ways to build your relationship with your teen, even if they are prone to shutting you out:
- Express your real intentions on a regular basis. Sometimes your anger over a teen’s misbehavior can be construed as your disapproval of them, when what you really want is for them to be able to be responsible and successful in life. Therefore, be sure to tell them where your emotions are coming from — what you want for them instead of what you want from them. (e.g., “I’m upset about this because I want you to be able to do X, and I care that you have Y when you learn how to live on your own.”)
- Demonstrate that you are listening. Sometimes, trying to get your teen to talk to you is like pulling teeth. But instead of trying to figure out how to talk to your teenager, focus on demonstrating that you are listening. Be present. Invite them to talk without pressuring them. Express your own feelings about your life and what you’re going through. Do some activities together where you’re able to encourage them or help them learn something. Put away your phone and stay attentive to your child; they may start talking when you least expect it.
- Resolve disagreements and own up to mistakes. If you lose your temper or say something you don’t mean, you may just think it was warranted or that it will blow over. But your teen may be harboring resentment or feel rejected by you. Follow up after arguments, apologize if you made a mistake, and ask if you’ve offended your child. Even better, get a notepad and write down what they say. It shows that you are listening and that you want to improve your communication and relationship.
- Show your child that you are interested in who they are as a person. Some teens feel the pressure to perform or behave a certain way to be accepted—even if their parents, teachers, or friends are not placing that pressure on them. They want to be known and loved for exactly who they are. Remember, your teen may be harboring feelings of insecurity, loneliness, or stress. It’s important to show an interest in their hobbies and other things that bring them joy. Do things together. Even if they decline your invitations, don’t take it personally, and don’t stop trying to engage. Your effort means more than you think.
The last and most important feature of building a great parent-teen relationship is modeling the values and behavior you want to see in your teen and acknowledging when you don’t meet the standard. This is not easy, but it is the most significant in terms of the effect it will have on your child. Additionally, it means asking for help when you need help, just like you would want your teen to do.
The Impact of Isolation
So what should you do when your teen is rejecting all forms of your engagement: spending time away from you, not talking to you, and disregarding all of your attempts to communicate or mend fences? Isolation or other social withdrawal signs can be indicators of depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions in your teen, so it’s important to know when to get treatment professionals involved.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), approximately 1 in 7 teens (ages 10-19) are dealing with a mental health condition. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reports that about 1 in 5 US children aged 3-17 have been diagnosed with an emotional, mental, or behavioral health condition.
Signs of a Mental Health Issue
The following symptoms may indicate that your teen is experiencing more than just growing pains:
- Constant irritability, frequent crying, or emotional outbursts (including fits of ager)
- Overreacting to certain situations in extreme or irrational ways
- Compulsive or repetitive behaviors
- Rage or increasing physical aggression
- Extreme avoidance of certain people, places, or things
- Apathy or complete lack of emotion
- Loss of interest in formerly enjoyed activities
- Changes in eating patterns, such as binge eating or loss of appetite
- Major changes in sleep patterns, such as extreme fatigue, restlessness, or insomnia
- Panic attacks
- Extreme self-consciousness
- Frequent stomach aches, pains, headaches, or migraines
- Irrational fears
- Substance use
- An increase in risk-taking behaviors
- Frequent lying, stealing, or manipulative behavior
- Cutting off relationships
- Self-harm or suicidal ideation
Isolation may be a way that your teen is trying to cope with his or her symptoms, but mental health conditions do not improve with a lack of connection. Additionally, a teen may need treatment so that their condition does not get worse, which could cause them to harm themselves or others.
Read: Teenage Isolation and How Parents Can Help
Mental Health Awareness in Teens
Navigating teen independence can be tricky, especially if your teen is being rebellious or disrespectful. Being consistent with boundaries and consequences is important and so is being reasonable and approachable. Beyond that, you may want to talk to your teen about mental health awareness so they can be watchful of symptoms and even ask for help as needed. Let them know that it’s normal to talk to a counselor even if their concerns are not “serious.”
Teens may not realize that the symptoms they are experiencing are not typical teen growing pains, rather a mental health disorder that is treatable. Just like you, they may misperceive their apathy, outbursts, fatigue, or aches and pains as hormonal changes. Whatever they are dealing with, explain to them with both your words and actions that they do not need to suffer in silence.
Whole-Person Treatment for Teens
If your teen is experiencing severe mental health symptoms, demonstrating increasing risk-taking or out of control behavior, turning to substance use, or cutting themselves off from you and their regular group of friends, it may be time to reach out for help.
At Newport Academy, we offer compassionate treatment for teens dealing with mental health conditions and substance use challenges. Our clinicians address every aspect of your child’s well-being utilizing evidence-based therapeutic and experiential modalities. Additionally, with our accredited academic component, teens stay on track with their studies while they’re getting the mental health support they need. If your teen is frequently shutting you out or displaying concerning behaviors, get in touch with us today.
Frequently Asked Questions
Teenagers are going through a host of emotional, physical, and physiological changes that can not only affect their relationships, but their mental health and outlook. They are coming out of childhood, trying to find their place in the world, and feeling vulnerable throughout the transition into young adulthood. This can result in interpersonal tension, changes in social behavior, changes in sleeping and eating patterns, and unpredictable mood swings.
Apathy can be a sign of depression or another psychological condition that can be helped with treatment. It’s important to continue to engage with your teen, demonstrate that you are listening if they want to talk, and get support from treatment professionals if they display frequent isolating or troubling behaviors.
Your primary objective is to guide them safely into adulthood, fully prepared to face life’s challenges. As communication becomes more complex, it’s essential to clarify your intentions. Regularly share your genuine desires for their future rather than focusing on what you want from them. Show that you are actively listening, work to resolve conflicts, acknowledge your mistakes, and demonstrate a genuine interest in who they are as individuals.
Communication can become challenging during the teenage years, as adolescents may struggle to understand or articulate their feelings. They often seek to form their own opinions and assert their independence, which can lead them to distance themselves from their parents’ perspectives. However, this isolation can sometimes stem from underlying mental health issues that may significantly impact their daily lives.
