When a teen is struggling with worsening mental health symptoms, parents often know something needs to change before their child does. If you’ve already tried approaches like weekly therapy, online support, or new routines at home and things aren’t changing for the better, it’s time for more robust mental health support.
Even when you know your teen needs a higher level of care, the hardest part can be figuring out how to talk to your teen about starting treatment, especially if they’re scared or resistant. Understanding when treatment makes sense and how to communicate with your teen about it can help your family take the next right steps toward healing.
What You’ll Learn
- When is it time to consider treatment for your teen’s mental health concerns?
- What are common reasons teens are resistant to mental health treatment?
- What are some do’s and don’ts when it comes to talking to your teen about treatment?
- How can you help your teen feel more prepared for treatment?
- How does Newport support families?
When It’s Time to Consider Treatment
It can be hard for parents and teens alike to acknowledge that treatment might be the right move. Usually the concerns and instinctive “something isn’t right” moments build up for awhile until treatment becomes a real necessity. Waiting can feel like the easier route, but considering treatment before things get to a crisis level is better for everyone in the long run.
Occasional teen moodiness or stress is common, but sustained distress or impairment is a sign that a higher level of care may be needed. The following red flags in your teen’s behaviors or life experiences might indicate a need for more comprehensive mental health support:
- Withdrawal from friends and family
- Difficulty with relationships
- Grieving a significant loss or transition
- Losing interest in activities they used to enjoy
- Struggling with depression, anxiety, or intense emotional swings
- Frequent angry outbursts or high levels of irritability
- Falling behind academically, refusing to go to school, or skipping school without a parent’s knowledge or permission
- Engaging in substance use or other risky behaviors
- Showing signs of self-harm or expressing suicidal thoughts
- Expressing signs or symptoms of anxiety
- Struggling with daily functioning, motivation, or basic routines
Teens might attempt to mask their struggles and pretend everything’s okay, but the signs are often noticeable if you pay close attention. Noticing shifts or patterns in your teen’s sleep, appetite, and social or academic life can help you catch problems before they escalate. If possible, observe without hovering over or interrogating your teen. This can cause anger and mistrust, and is more likely to escalate conflicts over treatment.
Why Teens Sometimes Resist Treatment
If your teen resists treatment, it doesn’t mean they don’t need help. It likely means they’re scared, overwhelmed, ashamed, embarrassed, or don’t fully understand what treatment is.
The most common reasons for resistance include:
Fear of the Unknown
Teens might imagine mental health treatment as something punitive, scary, or disruptive to their daily lives. They don’t know what to expect, and uncertainty breeds anxiety. They may have also heard stories about inappropriate or harmful treatment methods at mismanaged treatment centers, which fuels fear and stigma.
Embarrassment or Shame
Your kid might assume something is broken or wrong with them. Shame and low self-worth make people less likely to attempt to access care. They’re also likely embarrassed about the potential of their friends and schoolmates judging or shunning them.
Adolescents in particular have a strong desire and need to belong in school and with peers, and with good reason. A sense of belonging is a strong factor in resiliency and fewer mental health problems. The pressure to fit in is so strong that teens might choose to ignore growing problems instead of risking ostracization.
Hopelessness
Some teens believe therapy won’t help, or they feel too overwhelmed to picture things getting better. Teens are more likely than adults to be depressed, so their perspective might be bleaker.
Fear of Missing Out
Teens often worry about losing friendships, missing social events, falling behind in school, or having to step away from sports, activities, or hobbies.
Avoidance
Looking closely at emotions or behaviors can feel distressing, and avoidance frequently becomes a self-protective coping mechanism. The “if I ignore it, maybe it will go away on its own” mindset is alluring but ultimately ends up backfiring.
Fear of Losing Independence
Treatment can feel like losing independence or having adults control their lives. This can feel like an impediment to their natural need for exploring their own identities.
These are all valid concerns for teens to have. Understanding your own teen’s worries can help you connect and sympathize with them.
How to Talk to Your Teen About Starting Treatment
The way you approach this conversation matters just as much as the content. Normalizing your child’s fears first can reduce defensiveness and help them feel safer engaging in ongoing discussions. When the conversation feels safe, non-judgmental, and collaborative, trust becomes the foundation of your relationship. This makes it a lot easier for them to accept the idea that treatment is supportive, not punishing.
Do’s and Don’ts for Talking to Your Teen
Do:
- Listen more than you talk.
- Validate their feelings, no matter how they express them.
- They might become upset or angry. Stay calm and regulate your own emotions.
- Focus on their well-being, not on blame.
- Ask what they need and what kind of support would help them feel safer.
- Be clear and firm that treatment is necessary, but only after establishing trust and safety.
Don’t:
- Lecture, shame, or over-explain
- Minimize their feelings (“You’ll be fine,” “Stop complaining, You have nothing to worry about.”)
- Let the conversation escalate into an argument.
- Make it about you by focusing on your own emotions or feelings about the difficulty of the situation or making them feel bad about their struggles.
- Use stigmatizing phrases, like “You’re being dramatic.”
- Make treatment sound like a punishment.
- Try to resolve everything in one conversation.
Teens shut down or rebel when they feel controlled. One of the keys is to refrain from approaching the conversation with an authoritarian parenting style. Instead, strive for warmth, curiosity, and empathy.
Conversation Starters That Work
If you’re trying to figure out how to bring the topic of treatment with your teen for the first time, begin the conversation gently and when you’re both relaxed. Try initiating while you’re doing something connective or fun together like driving, taking a walk, or sharing a meal.
Here are some phrases to try:
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been hurting, and I want you to feel better. Can we talk about getting support?”
- “It might be really helpful for you to have a place where you can talk honestly without pressure from me or anyone else. You deserve that.”
- “I know therapy can feel scary. It’s okay to feel nervous. We’ll figure this out together.”
- “What’s been the hardest part lately? I’d really like to understand how you’re feeling.”
- “My job isn’t to judge you. I want you to feel supported and safe. Can we talk about how I can help you with that?”
- “You don’t have to do this alone. There are people who know how to help with what you’re going through.”
- “We’re going to get through this together. Treatment is one way of helping you feel more in control.”
Helping Teens Understand the Benefits of Treatment
Therapists help build skills so life feels more manageable. Many teens resist treatment because they don’t know how helpful it can be or don’t want to acknowledge their feelings. You can reframe treatment as coaching to help them work through their emotions. Sharing other potential benefits can make the idea feel less intimidating.
Benefits to Emphasize
Teens respond well when you connect treatment to their personal goals, passions, or values. These might include things like:
- Rebuilding relationships
- Reducing anxiety or depression
- Boosting self-compassion and self-worth
- Doing better in school
- Getting back to hobbies, sports, or passions
- Improving sleep and stress
- Feeling more confident
- Starting to feel better on a day-to-day basis
Treatment is designed to help adolescents connect more deeply to themselves and build more resilience to cope with life’s stressors.
5 Ways to Feel More Prepared for Treatment
Preparing your teen (and your whole family) for what treatment is really like can significantly reduce everyone’s anxiety or hesitation. Here are five things you can do before you decide whether treatment is the next right step for you.
1. Meet with staff beforehand.
Talk to therapists, nurses, and academic staff to help clarify the process. Ask questions about things like what different levels of care involve, evidence that treatment works, and other things your teen might be curious about.
2. Connect with an alumni family.
Many treatment centers can put prospective families in touch with other families who have attended treatment via an Alumni Program. Or they might have video interviews with adolescents or parents who have gone through the process. Peer stories, especially from other adolescents, can help normalize treatment.
3. Take a tour or virtual tour.
Check out the facility to get more familiar with the layout and amenities. Seeing what the bedrooms and living areas look like, for example, can make you and your child feel more comfortable.
4. Look at a sample schedule.
Your teen might be surprised by how tailored their treatment is to them. Treatment at Newport includes downtime, peer and family therapies, and different activities and therapeutic exercises throughout the day.
5. Learn about therapeutic modalities.
Understanding DBT, CBT, adventure therapy, expressive arts, or mindfulness helps reduce confusion and misinformation. You and your teen can learn more about these approaches from intake staff or clinicians.
Newport Academy’s Approach to Teen Treatment
At Newport Academy, we’re here for your family every step of the way, from your very first call all the way to alumni support post treatment. As soon as your family reaches out, you’re met with clinicians and staff who understand teen resistance and uncertainty. You and your teen will always be encouraged to ask questions, give input on your goals, and express your unique needs and preferences.
Treatment at Newport Academy emphasizes comprehensive support from therapists, teachers, mentors, and peers. Our multi-modality approach includes experiential therapies that are active, engaging, and tailored to each participant, like music, art, hiking, ropes courses, and martial arts. Plus, they’ll meet and heal alongside other teens who understand what they’re going through.
We’re dedicated to attuned, relational, evidence-based care centered on compassion and unconditional positive regard. No matter which level of care you choose, we’re here to help your whole family feel safe, supported, and ready to heal. Get in touch to learn more and see if Newport is right for your family.
