We listen to people every day, but how often do we really stop and pay attention to what they’re saying? There’s a big difference between just hearing words and truly listening with empathy and understanding.
This connection is especially important if you are a parent of a teen, where communication can be difficult at times. As a parent, you have a unique opportunity to get involved in your child’s world and see what makes them tick. Teens might not always speak openly about their thoughts and struggles, but when you make an effort to really hear them and validate their feelings, you might be amazed at the meaningful conversations that can happen.
In this article, you’ll learn more about what it means to be a good active listener and how you can utilize these skills to build a stronger bond with your teen.
What You’ll Learn
- What is active listening?
- Why is listening important for parents of teens?
- How does active listening strengthen the bond between a parent and their teen?
- What are some ways to be a better active listener?
Quick Read
In the realm of parenting, particularly with teenagers, the art of active listening is crucial for fostering meaningful connections. Active listening goes beyond merely hearing words; it involves fully engaging with a child’s emotions and intentions. By utilizing verbal and non-verbal cues—such as maintaining eye contact, nodding, and summarizing key points—parents can demonstrate genuine interest and understanding. This practice not only helps teens feel valued but also encourages them to open up about their thoughts and struggles, paving the way for deeper conversations.
The importance of active listening in parenting cannot be overstated. It builds trust and emotional connections, which are essential as parents navigate the complexities of raising a teenager. When parents actively listen, they validate their teens’ feelings, creating an environment of emotional safety. This non-judgmental support allows teens to express their concerns freely, knowing they will be met with understanding rather than criticism. Furthermore, active listening fosters mutual respect, empowering teens and positioning parents as allies rather than authority figures, ultimately leading to a more harmonious relationship.
To enhance communication, especially during conflicts, parents are encouraged to adopt effective strategies. Using “I-language” instead of “you-language” can significantly reduce defensiveness, while perspective-taking fosters empathy. Simple statements that acknowledge both the parent’s and teen’s feelings can encourage a more open dialogue. Additionally, parents should practice active listening techniques such as listening with intent, demonstrating interest through body language, and refraining from interruptions. These strategies not only help in diffusing potential conflicts but also model effective communication skills for teens.
In summary, active listening is an invaluable tool for parents seeking to strengthen their bond with their teenagers. By listening mindfully, asking thoughtful questions, and providing a safe space for expression, parents can empower their teens and enhance their emotional intelligence. Ultimately, the most impactful parenting often lies in the ability to listen deeply, allowing teens to feel heard, respected, and understood.
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What Is Active Listening?
Being an active listener means you’re fully engaging in and demonstrating a genuine interest in what a person is saying. This means truly understanding the emotions and intentions behind their words. Active listeners use verbal and non-verbal cues, such as nodding, maintaining eye contact, and providing affirming responses, to show they are engaged and present.
Additionally, an active listener asks clarifying questions and summarizes key points to acknowledge they are fully engaged in the conversation, which helps the other person feel valued and understood.
How Active Listening Can Strengthen Your Relationship
Do you feel like your teen is shutting you out? Here are some ways being an active listener can help you create a closer bond with your child:
Builds Trust and Emotional Connection
Trust is foundational in any relationship, but for parents raising a teenager it can be a gateway to deeper, more meaningful connection. Teens often face various pressures or situations they feel hesitant to discuss with parents for fear of being judged or criticized. When parents practice active listening, they demonstrate that their thoughts, feelings, and opinions are valued and respected. As a result, teens feel more secure in sharing both their challenges and successes.
Develops Mutual Respect
By engaging in active listening, parents acknowledge their teens as individuals with their own thoughts and feelings, rather than merely as children who need to be guided. This creates mutual respect and empowers teens with a sense of independence, something they crave at this stage in life.
Fosters Emotional Intelligence and Well-Being
Parenting can be overwhelming, and emotions can run high, especially in challenging situations. When teen parents practice active listening, they learn to pause and reflect on what their child is expressing before giving a knee-jerk response. This not only helps in diffusing potential conflicts but also models effective communication skills for their children. As a result, teens learn the importance of expressing themselves and feeling heard, which can lead to improved self-esteem and emotional intelligence.
Encourages More Effective Communication
Research indicates that the way parents initiate discussions with their teens can significantly influence the outcome. Specifically, using “I-language” instead of “you-language” can help reduce defensiveness and hostility. For instance, saying “I feel upset when this happens” is more constructive than “You always make me upset.”
This approach not only expresses personal feelings but also avoids placing blame, which can trigger a defensive reaction in teens. Additionally, acknowledging your teen’s feelings while expressing your own can further enhance communication. A statement like, “I understand why you might feel that way, but I feel this way too,” demonstrates empathy and encourages a more open dialogue.
5 Ways to Be an Active Listener for Your Teen
1. Listen with Intent
“You never listen to me!” How many times have you heard this dramatic statement from your teen? But is there actually some truth behind it. Even if you can recite word for word what your teen just said, are you truly listening? Life is busy and we can get distracted by our phones, making dinner, managing other children, and handling work or household chores.
If your teen approaches you and wants to have a conversation, remove as many distractions as possible. Sometimes the best conversations happen while driving or doing an activity or chore together. But even then, when something is really important, parents can stop and focus on their teens with undivided attention.
Parents always complain that kids are on their devices all the time, but parents are guilty of this, too. When parents silence their phones and set them aside, they demonstrate to their children that they are the most important thing in their world, and they want to hear whatever they have to say.
Read: How to Talk to Your Teenager About Anything
2. Demonstrate Interest
Body language speaks so much louder than words. If parents show they’re distracted by tapping their feet or shifting their weight around, that visually tells a teen that they are not focused on them and what they are saying. If the subject is difficult for parents and therefore, they avert eye contact, teens can become uncomfortable as well and not want to share after all.
To practice active listening means that even when we’re not saying anything, we demonstrate that we are actually taking in what’s being said. Eye contact is so important, no matter how difficult it may be to maintain. This is the most important visual cue that one can give in communication. Responding appropriately with facial expressions, nods, and, when appropriate, a gentle touch of the hand are all visual cues that we are listening to what the other person is saying. When parents demonstrate their interest visually, they make it safe for their teens to talk to them.
3. Don’t Interrupt
Far too often, we tend to interrupt others to give them advice rather than simply listening to what they are processing. Sometimes parents forget that a big part of adolescence is learning things for oneself. That mean parents sometimes need to stay quiet and allow teens to talk, so they can come to conclusions themselves.
Often, the relationship between a parent and a teen is already strained. Therefore, interrupting when they have something to say that is important to them can keep them from talking openly in the future. When in doubt, don’t speak, simply listen to your teen. When there is a long pause and the teen looks to you to say something, that’s the best time to offer thoughts.
4. Listen Mindfully
Mindfulness involves being in the present moment and not judging. As a parent, this can be very difficult. Watching a teen learn painful lessons—both big and small—is hard. Parents often feel the need to intervene and give guidance, especially when a teen has experienced mental health issues like anxiety and depression, and may seem especially vulnerable. However, open parent-child communication is proven to boost teen mental health and decrease teen substance use.
Listening mindfully means tuning in to the words you are hearing right now, regardless of past issues or future fears. Moreover, it means abstaining from making any judgments about what is being said. The time for parenting comes after the listening.
Yes, there will be conversations that are like broken records, revisiting past behaviors and events. However, allowing teens to speak and learn from their own words is more effective than anything parents could say or do at that moment. The importance of being heard is immense for teens and giving them respect without judgment is far more empowering than any kind of instruction or advice that parents may be tempted to offer at this point.
5. Ask Thoughtful Questions
When the time comes for asking questions, they should be thoughtful, compassionate, and directly related to what the teen is saying. These may be clarifying questions that to elicit more information about a teen’s feelings or fears. In addition, parents can ask thought-provoking questions that give teens the opportunity to think about something in a new way or explore potential next steps.
Asking thoughtful questions, listening mindfully, not interrupting, visually demonstrating interest, and listening with intent are all ways that parents can practice active listening. Being an active listener shows a teen that they are respected, and that their thoughts and feelings are valid and worthwhile. Sometimes, the best parenting is not saying anything at all.
Strengthening Family Bonds at Newport Academy
If you’re finding it difficult to communicate with your teen about important issues, including their mental health, family therapy can help. Regular family therapy sessions are a core component to Newport Academy’s treatment program for teens ages 13–18. Working with a licensed family therapist, parents and teens learn skills for healthy conflict resolution and better communication. Contact us today to learn more.
Active listening can be demonstrated by nodding and making eye contact while the speaker shares their thoughts, showing that you are engaged and interested. Additionally, paraphrasing their message by saying, “So what I hear you saying is…,” helps validate their feelings and ensures you understand their perspective.
To be a good active listener, fully focus on the speaker, acknowledge their feelings and thoughts, and respond thoughtfully to demonstrate understanding and engagement.
To communicate better with your teen using active listening, focus intently on what they are saying without interrupting, and show your engagement through nodding and maintaining eye contact.
